How much of your conversations are filled with surface level conversations to just fill empty space?
At least it's not arguing, right?
There's a better way! For this date you are going to work on communicating your feelings.
Rachael's Hallmark
First, you guys are going to go card shopping together. Pick out a card for each other (or a little gift for that matter!) Then take some time to write a letter. It's amazing what a card of encouragement and love to each other can do.
Giving cards doesn't even have to be for special occasions. In fact, it can have a bigger impact when it's not expected. One couple went after Valentine's Day and stalked up on cards on clearance, then used them on each other the entire rest of the year on each other.
What if you're not a very wordy person? Or maybe you have a hard time identifying your feelings. Our son struggled with this, and we created a feelings journal for him. We showed him a chart like this:
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| http://christinejuneau.com/tag/feelings-chart/ |
Every day he drew a face about his feelings, and explained what happened that day that made him feel like that. It was a great springboard into a long discussion with us about why he was feeling that way. He was so fixed on the actions on his day, that we tried to explain the why behind his actions.
Similiarly, as a couple, we need to have a similar discussions about our feelings. For even a more comprehensive list of feelings, click HERE.
Start your own feelings journal as a couple. Instead of "How was your day, today?" You can ask, "How are you feeling?"
Word of caution: In dealing with issues. Never direct your feelings as an attack on your spouse - stay focused on the issue.
"I feel irritated at you because you never do the dishes!"
What is the deeper issue?
"I feel overwhelmed because the dishes are piling up and I could use some help."
This keeps the attention on the issue instead of the person.
"I feel irritated at you because you never do the dishes!"
What is the deeper issue?
"I feel overwhelmed because the dishes are piling up and I could use some help."
This keeps the attention on the issue instead of the person.
“For this activity my husband and I decided to take a night time drive up to ‘Tablerock’ a Boise, ID landmark. We stopped at Winco first for some snacks and on the way used the feelings chart to talk to each other about our days. Jake thought the chart was funny and began picking ‘feelings’ obstinately, which was fun. At Winco we chose Hallmark cards for each other and since Jake likes to ‘stick it to the man’ he picked a blank one for me and I chose one that used an inside joke we have together. Then we enjoyed the drive up to the scenic view of the city at night and just enjoyed each other’s company. 5 stars!” –Emily & Jake
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