Sometimes the fun of a date is all about anticipation. Your kids need the security of knowing that their mom and dad love each other, because that means stability in their lives.
So, for not only your sake, but the sake of your kids, make the moments gearing up for the date an affectionate one.
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Kiss extra long!
Stare into each other's eyes.
Turn up the radio and dance in the kitchen.
Text each other throughout the day, sharing your anticipation for that night.
Tell your kids how much you're looking forward to your date with your love.
They may pretend they don't like it, but it's exactly what they need to hear. They'll put it in the back of their mind because one day, they're going to want the same thing for their family.
Counter-serve, build-your-own-burrito chain with a natural-foods focus, also serving tacos & salads. - Google
Who goes to a build-your-own-burrito chain only to put the exact same ingredients on as everyone else? Kind of the defeats the purpose, right?
Don't we do this with our marriages sometimes?
We see other couples, and we compare. Have you ever thought, "Why can't my husband/wife be more like _________?"
I once heard a friend complaining about her husband washing her clothes with the towels. She was so angry about it. All I could think was, "Wow! Your husband does the laundry? Good for him!"
Another example: My little daughter asks me to give her cute hair styles every day. I for one, am not that great at doing hair. One particular morning, I remember sitting on the couch examining the pathetic attempt of a braid in her hair and just feeling so bad for her. If only she had a mom that was good at hair. The funny thing? At that very moment, she was playing the piano, a skill I had taught her myself. Then my epiphany came.
It was at the moment I realized that each and every one of us are custom made. Love your skills, your talents, and your relationships that YOU have.
Think of your relationship as a custom order. Don't compare. Do what works for you as a couple and be happy about it!
"You know, there has to be a division of labor to some extent in a marriage, because you can't do it all by yourself. But it has occurred to me- well, it's evident- that the division of labor for young couples today is different than it was when I was first married. I watch the young couples in my family-my children and their spouses-and they way they do things in their family. It's different than we did. They still get the job done. They work together in a different way. And in many ways it's better than the way we did it. The point is, though, that it's individual. Each couple has to work out how they will do things." -Cheryl C. Lant
Italian spot with a relaxed vibe serving lunch, dinner & a selection of wine & beer. -Google
Read this quote together over dinner:
“We need an unspoiled companion who will not count our wrinkles, remember our stupidities nor remember our weaknesses, we need a loving companion with who we have suffered and wept….one with whom we have suffered sorrow and disappointments, one who loves us for what we are or intend to be rather than what we appear to be in our gilded shell.” -Spencer W. Kimball
It's so easy to focus on what we want our spouse to be instead of just loving them for who they are. Do we love them in their wrinkles or do we keep nagging them to inject Botox?
John Gottman spent 35 years in research observing couples in "Love Labs" and can predict divorce with 94% accuracy. He found that couples that get divorces have a Positive to Negative ratio of 0.8. That means for every 8 positive things said, there are 10 negative. That's a lot of wrinkle counting!
Where as happy couples have a Positive to Negative ratio of 5 to 1.
While waiting for your food, make a list of all the things you love about your spouse, not mentioning their wrinkles. Bring up the positive ratio!
The day after I got engaged, I remember driving around with just my left up high on the steering wheel, mesmerized by all the shininess and sparkles and totally, absolutely in love. I was in awe of not only its beauty but of what it represented. My dreams were coming true!
The symbolism of a wedding ring is just perfect, really. In the shape of a circle, it never ends. Through the years our rings get scuffed with the daily grind of life. We need to take the time to polish it and remember how wonderful life can be when it shines and sparkles.
With this in mind, go to the jewelry store together and polish your rings together. Then, commit to each other what things you will do to polish your marriage.
What is it about this wedding video that made it go viral crazy? Take a look and see if/why it touches you.
L-O-V-E.
We all want that mushy, heart-gushing love in our lives. You can't help but just feel so happy for them. That they make each other completely happy. What makes their vows so special?
I'll tell you that for me, I find it just hopelessly romantic that they admit that the hard times will be rough, and that they will stick it through to the very end.
In the video, the groom shares a story how sometimes things don't go as planned. For his birthday, despite all the careful planning, the cake got burned. They scraped off the burnt as good as they could, stuck candles in it, and sang anyway.
He promised that he would always be the candles in their marriage, despite what burned cakes get thrown their way. Kleenex, please.
If you are struggling in your marriage with keeping that head-over-heels love going strong, don't give up. You are definitely NOT on your own.You're reading a blog about dating your spouse, so you're on the right track!
Matter of fact, it's completely normal. When you are truly love-struck, we need to study the science behind it to appreciate everything that is taking place.
The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect that when you unexpectedly bump into your new love, you start to sweat, your heart races and your mouth goes dry.
Dopamine
Helen Fisher asked newly ‘love struck’ couples to have their brains examined and discovered they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine!
Fisher suggests “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship” .
Serotonin
One of love's most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts.
Oxytocin - The cuddle hormone
Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm.
It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.
Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. It is also responsible for a mum’s breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby.
Diane Witt, assistant professor of psychology from New York has showed that if you block the natural release of oxytocin in sheep and rats, they reject their own young.
Conversely, injecting oxytocin into female rats who’ve never had sex, caused them to fawn over another female’s young, nuzzling the pups and protecting them as if they were their own.
You see, the neurotransmitters from your brain cannot keep producing these chemicals nonstop for the rest of your life. Through time, life will normalize. Hard things keep coming - the cakes may start burning more frequently. But you can reignite those hormones.
Go out to yogurt, and talk about your wedding day. Then make an effort to re spark those hormones.
Read old love notes.
Write new vows to each other.
Watch your own wedding video.
Make a soundtrack of songs that were big when you were dating.
Life may not be all butterflies and rainbows now in comparison to this wedding video, but you can still have that type of commitment towards each other. It a lot of ways, it's better now. Think of all the things you have overcome together as a couple. If it has been weak, make this date all about starting again with the same enthusiasm you once had.
When life gets busy it can be easy to neglect your marriage and focus on other priorities.
Sometimes you need a reminder to focus on your spouse and show how much you
love them. Regular date nights are a great way to do this by keeping connected.
It’s also good to have some type of object lying around that reminds you to nurture
your marriage. We all need reminders. Consider making the “reminder object”
something permanent.
Courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
One idea is to plant a tree in your yard together. Tell each
other that it symbolizes your relationship and is a reminder that, like the
tree, your marriage needs constant nourishment. If the tree is getting little water, the
leaves will turn brown and wilt. Or if it’s not getting enough light, it will
stop growing. It is the same for your marriage. If you don’t put attention
and care into your relationship, you will grow apart.
Start this date by going to Just Tree which is a wholesale
plant nursery in Tomball. Pick out a tree that will do well in your yard. Go
home and plant it together. Talk about what it means to nurture your marriage. What do you do to constantly nurture your relationship?
Humane Society or
Animal Shelter Your local animal shelter has plenty of opportunities to foster your relationship by taking care of some animals. If you are both dog, lovers or cat lovers, you will be able to take them on a walk or just simply play with as many as you can! You can call in advance and set up a time to help out at the shelter with various tasks that are approved just for those who volunteer. This will build your relationship. There are many ways to grow together but this will give you a special bond that cannot be broken because you are doing good to God's creatures. We all need to be served, even the furry ones! Make this a time where you dedicate and make a firm commitment to serving at least once a month - this goal can be easily achieved by scheduling aside a certain day that works with each of your schedules, and gets you out of the house to care for those around you. If you're animal lovers specifically look at choosing your place of service at a Humane Society or Animal Shelter.
Look at all of the different animals that are there and who need to
be taken care of. Find one that you can connect with and have that animal be the
one you manage while you are there helping out. Each partner picks
an animal and tends to their needs.
Engage in “Caring Days” - Therapist Richard Stuart (1980)
recommends this to married couples -
Couples will need to identify sets of
loving actions that they would like to receive from their partner. These need
to be specific like: tell me that you love me at least once a day. Positive and yet
small enough to be done on a daily basis, (call me at work during lunch, just
to see how I’m doing) and not related to any recent conflict. His research shows
that couples engaging in Caring Days significantly enhanced their marital
satisfaction. This approach encourages couples to talk openly about how they
like to receive love and then agree to do those things often. Your love is important and by engaging in caring days, you will start to see how your love starts to take on a new meaning. Loving each other and doing those actions can keep away the outside negativity, allowing you to focus only on your love.
Sharing is caring! Share your love and let it sweep you off your feet!
As a couple it is important to serve and give of your time to others and those who are in need. Volunteering is a way to serve those around you
other than yourselves. It is so important that service is incorporated into a
marriage. When we spend our time focusing on our own needs, a couple can forget
the importance of selfless love and developing this key attribute. There are
many ways to serve, and by doing it together your own relationship and love
will flourish. Ultimately, you will be able to develop lasting passion for all the years to come.
Here is a list of potential areas to get yourselves active in volunteering: http://www.volunteermatch.org/search?l=Spring,%20TX,%20USA http://greatnonprofits.org/city/spring/TX
http://www.pciranch.org/volunteer/volunteer-opportunities
http://www.lonestar.edu/15678.htm
If you ever feel stagnant in your relationship one of the easiest fixes is to find something else that the two of you can share. There are many great ideas that you can come up with to do together, but make sure that service is one of them. This is the kind of thing that doesn't cost a ton of money and it also doesn't need to fit into a rigid schedule. Spending a few hours a month picking up trash from your local park or helping out at a shelter might not be the most glamorous date, but it is definitely a great way to feel good about yourself and each other. As you are both helping out you can have another attribute in common, which is, putting time into something that is important to both of you. Try a few different volunteer activities, shop around, and only go back to the ones that you both really enjoy. These are easy, fun, and fast ways that allow your marriage to find new meaning.
You both want to feel good about what you are doing individually and collectively. But this also means that you take that time to feel good about yourself too. In this article it states that some days might be better than others and on those days that don't go well we often become too hard on ourselves. Here are 10 tools to help avoid that trap!
Keep going - Don't let life's changes throw your off track, remember that extenuating circumstances are temporary. Clarity = Positive direction
Trust yourself - Give yourself a little time and have patience.
Be friends with life - Focus on other opportunities or direction that can give you perspective.
Watch your thoughts - Learn to dismiss negative thoughts and stay open to other ideas that help to move you in a positive direction. Recognize negative thoughts and use your mind to conquer them.
Summon the strength you have inside - Direct your strengths to the highest good. Believe that your strength can help you deal with anything. Remember you have survived worse.
Learn to love yourself - Change how you feel about yourself and create a strategy, make yourself into the person you want to be. Stop doing things that hurt.
Don't want too much - Wanting something too much can be painful and expensive, don't live beyond your means or covet the unattainable - seek your desire but keep your integrity.
Don't get insulted - Human's will bump heads, but consider the source, and if it is the other person's issue, ignore it. Learn to respond instead of react, and don't show your ire.
Recognize that disappointment is apart of life - even successful people deal with disappointment. Learn how to use it to get to the next level of life. The trick is to process your feelings, then take action.
Deal with your fears - overcoming fear makes you stronger.
Giving to others and developing this together as a couple
will create lasting passion for all the years to come!
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