Why is Dating So Important for Marriage?
- Dating gives the couple a chance to share an emotional (and sometimes physical) connection necessary to marital success.
“Whether people are struggling to save a marriage, to cooperate in a family crisis, or to build rapport with a difficult boss, they usually have one thing in common: They need to share emotional information that can help them feel connected.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- When couples spend time together and get to know one another, they are able to rekindle their love for one another, thus deterring them from reaching divorce.
“Based on our research, I believe that failure to connect is a major cause of our culture’s high divorce rate.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- Dating allows the couple to unwind from the stresses of life, therefore letting them reconnect and affecting their families for the better.
“Family stress caused by a couple’s failure to connect can also affect the well-being of their children. Our studies show that children raised in homes with a high level of marital hostility have chronically elevated levels of stress hormones.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- Dating gives the couple a chance to renew their relationship and establish a bond of friendship,
“Studies show that people with good friends usually have less stress and live longer. They have better health, higher resistance to infection, and stronger immune functioning, and they recover more quickly from illness.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- When couples choose to spend time together doing fun activities on dates, they are more likely to establish a sense of humor in their relationship that can be beneficial later on.
“….such playfulness is extremely good for relationships. What does it require? A willingness to turn toward another’s sense of silliness, give oneself over to the moment, and have a little bit of fun.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- On dates, couples have the chance to discuss their hopes, dreams, and plans for the future. Sometimes, talking about these things can encourage one spouse to make a change in their life or pursue one of their own dreams.
“Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often courage. A love spouse can supply that all-important catalyst.” –Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
Destiny Ending or Fateful Fall;Do you Spend Intentional Time on your Relationship?
Statistically speaking, the “U.S. marriage rate is at an all-time low—only 51% of adults were married in 2011, according to U.S. Census Bureau statistics. (Cohn) ”[1]
Much of the research regarding strong marriages is centered on communication and maintaining that romantic ‘spark’ as well as other important factors to building a successful relationship. I’d like to focus on the important factor of spending intentional ‘de-stressing’ time on yourself and your spouse. Stephen Covey wrote about the concept of ‘Sharpening the Saw’[2] which equates to spending a short time on yourself weekly so that you aren’t wasting your time with a dull blade the rest of the week. Your relationship requires just as much intentional time as you do in order to perform at its peak levels.
Think of the ways that you de-stress personally; this can include the much craved Netflix hours to hiking, or the hour of cardio at the gym that really gives you the release you need . Whatever stresses you out during the week, from chauffeuring children around to all of their activities to the imminent deadlines from work and/or school, there is something that makes it all better on the weekend even if it is reruns of fantastic basketball plays or a soak in the tub.
A relationship needs that de-stressing time, because it is stressed weekly just as much as the individuals within it are. From having a lack of communication, to getting cranky at each other from a lack of sleep, or even just not being able to see each other during daylight hours due to work conflicts, a relationship takes its hits.
“Stress is one of the biggest threats to a strong marriage or relationship. Stress related to work, finances, parenthood, or illness can prove corrosive to a relationship, insofar as it causes one or both partners to become irritable, withdrawn, violent, or otherwise difficult to live with. (Dew) ”[3]
There is a plethora of ways to de-stress your relationship from a formal date night to couch crashing for a movie marathon together, but to more effectively de-stress I recommend these activities:
- Get outside! Hiking, biking, exploring, and going for a drive, taking a walk around the neighborhood or to the nearest gas station; you could even get some yummy snacks and beverages for the walk back home. A little sunshine (or moonlight) with some fresh air (or city air) can do a body good.
- Treat Yourself! Whether it is a favorite game you both enjoy, a favorite place to go, or your favorite meal, take turns treating yourself to the things you love.
- Get in Some Hot Water! It can come from a natural hot springs, a hot tub at your gym, in your neighborhood, or even some theoretical hot water with a little adrenaline-pumping adventure by trying something new!
If these ideas don’t float your boat, make a list with your partner of your favorite activities and pick one each week or refer to our date night blog[4] for hundreds of other date night ideas to de-stress your relationship.
Bibliography
Cohn, D'Vera. Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends. 13 February 2013. 9 March 2015.
Covey, Stephen R. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press , 1989.
Dew, W. Bradford Wilcox & Jeffrey. The National Marriage Project - The Date Night Opportunity . May 2012. PDF Document . 13 March 2015.
Larson, Aaron. Great Dates Houston. July 2015. 28 July 2015 .
[1]http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/02/13/love-and-marriage/
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People
[3] http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf
[4] http://greatdateshouston.blogspot.com/
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