Replacing Contempt with Appreciation

Divorce Proofing Your Marriage Series #2 of 4

 Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For this date you’re going to go on a little trip to a bookstore. If you don’t have one in mind already, consider checking out Brazos Bookstore at 2421 Bissonnet St. Houston, 77005. They have all kinds of unique little books and specialty items. You are specifically on the hunt for a journal that’s cute enough for her, and still masculine enough for him. We’ll get to the purpose of the journal in a minute, but first, how often do you remember why you love your spouse? Do you spend time putting them down, rolling your eyes, and being irritated? Or are you inclined to show your appreciation for the effort they put forth, and the things they do right?

After your trip to the bookstore, head to a restaurant and have a quiet meal taking turns getting your “Love Journal” started. This journal is your ticket to refocusing on the positive in one another. You can talk if you want to, but make sure you spend at least a bit of time taking turns writing down things you appreciate about your spouse. If this is new to you, some ideas could be:

            -I appreciate when you kiss me goodnight

            -I love how happy our kids are around you

            -It means a lot to me when you remembered my big day at work and sent flowers

You can be specific or general, but make sure you both write in it. At the end of the date find a central location to keep the journal so that each of you have easy access to both read, and continue contributing to this journal.  

*This series of dates is a little unique. You can focus on each of these one week at a time during four consecutive weeks, or if you’re feeling overwhelmed then try doing one of these dates each month and working on the goals for each over a month period while have some lighthearted dates in between each concept.

**For more complete information regarding elements of the 4 Horsemen concept please consider studying John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work available here for purchase: Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work