Dropping Your Defenses

Divorce Proofing Your Marriage Series #3 of 4

Image courtesy of Museum of Fine Arts, Houston

Tonight let’s go to the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston. There are multiple exhibits to enjoy, so you should be able to find something that tickles your fancy. This museum is even free if you can go on Thursday, or any weekday at lunchtime. Perfect for a relaxing time when you don’t even have to worry about where the financing is coming from.

Here’s the goal though, you aren’t really here for the art this time (though I’ve heard it’s quite good) tonight you’re at the museum because it’s a neutral zone for both of you to practice your listening skills! Tonight you’re going to ask each other questions about the art, about your interests or whatever gets your spouse talking, and practice not interrupting!

We want to be good communicators, but sometimes interrupting can lead to miscommunication or even send the message that the thing your spouse is saying is completely unimportant. I’m less likely to feel safe when I feel unimportant, so help each other drop the defensive walls by really listening and engaging in conversations that matter to the other person! And remember, accept responsibility if you interrupt by sincerely apologizing. Go on, give it a try! J

*This series of dates is a little unique. You can focus on each of these one week at a time during four consecutive weeks, or if you’re feeling overwhelmed then try doing one of these dates each month and working on the goals for each over a month period while have some lighthearted dates in between each concept.

**For more complete information regarding elements of the 4 Horsemen concept please consider studying John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work available here for purchase: Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work