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Another way to lower your stress level is to practice
what John Gottman calls a stress-reducing conversation! This means having a 20
minute chat about how your day went. Having these type of conversations in your
marriage help manage stresses that come into your life. Learning how to manage
your stress and trying to keep everyday pressure and tension from spilling over
into your relationship can help you keep a solid marriage. The purpose of this daily
conversation is to handle stress OUTSIDE of your marriage- not to deal with problems
within your relationship.
Keep these pointers in mind as you chat:
- Take turns. Give one another the chance to talk for ten or fifteen minutes uninterrupted, even if it's all complaints (but not complaints about each other).
- Don't give unsolicited advice. Don't play mechanic and try to fix the problem. Simply listen to understand.
- Show genuine interest. While your spouse talks, stay focused on him or her. You can let him or her know you're truly present by nodding, smiling, grimacing, asking for details, etc.
- Communicate your understanding. Let your partner know you understand. Show empathy with expressions such as, "Wow, it sounds like that was really painful."
- Take your spouse's side. Be supportive, even if his or her perspective seems unreasonable.
- Express a "we're-a-team" attitude. Let your spouse know that you're in all situations and dilemmas together. He or she is not alone. Express solidarity.
- Express affection. Hold, touch, and embrace your mate. Tell him or her "I love you" often.
- Validate emotions. Respond to your partner in ways that confirm his or her feelings are important to you. For example, "I can see why you're so upset." "That would have annoyed me too." "No wonder you're sad."
Source: Stress Reducing Conversation
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