77069 The Parable of the Silverware

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“If You Want Something to Last Forever, You Treat it Differently”

            F. Burton Howard compared the effort needed in his 47 years of marriage to his wife’s treasured silverware. 

When special occasions arose, his wife got out the silver from under the bed (hidden from possible burglars), wrapped in tarnish-free cloth. Each piece was placed in a separate pocket, and it had to be hand washed so it would not spot. Special polish was purchased to carefully rub stains away. 

Through out the years, Burton watched his wife lovingly preserve the valuable silver, and admitted she was a bit eccentric with it. Then he realized his wife had profoundly taught him something:

 “If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. 

If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.”

Panang Thai Cuisine

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Elements of a Healthy Marriage

Don't know where to start? A healthy, strong marriage is comprised of many elements. No one dimension makes a marriage strong. 

Evaluate yourselves and pick a category that you could improve on as a couple. No marriage is perfect. This exercise is not to discourage you, but it is to be a starting point for you to make goals together as a couple to polish your marriage. 

Strong = 3; Moderate =2; Needs work = 1

1. _____  We communicate well.

2. _____  We are emotionally aware and expressive.

3. _____ We have effective conflict management strategies.

4. _____ We have learned to deal with our differences.

5. _____ We have a strong sense of commitment to each other.

6. _____ We have a sense of community with others.

7. _____ Marriage has been a place of healing and growth for us.

8. _____ We balance a high sense of intimacy and autonomy.

9. _____ We have clear gender roles and function well as a team.

10. ____ Our sexual life is a nurturing part of our relationship.

11. ____ We have dealt well with the challenges and crises life presents.

12.____ Our attitudes towards and beliefs about marriage have helped to nurture our relationship.

13. ____ We have been intentional as we think about, plan for, and act for our marriage.

14. ____We enjoy reflecting on and sharing the story of our journey together, including its positive and more difficult moments.

15.____ Our spirituality has positively influenced and been influenced by many of the above mentioned elements of our lives. 

-Paul Giblin, PhD